I was planning to write about a happy event in my life that happened yesterday but then, something happened kaninang lunch lang and I cannot seem to move on talaga since that Asturias Grille incident. Waaaaaaahhh. Call me dense but really, di ko narealize yung ginawa ko. Until my friends made me aware of what I did 15 minutes later after my "eksena" with Manong....Eeeeeerrrrrr. I hate the way I look, bigtime! (I don't hate the way I look, I just hate the way I "look" eeeerrrr whatever its hard to explain) How can I mean a thing and suggest another thing with the way I look??? How can I say something in a nice way and then sound the other way around??? I hate it. If not for my friends, I wouldn't be able to realize my "eksena" talaga. They say okay lang daw yun, na I shouldn't be so bothered about it since I personally apologized naman to manong before we left. But talaga, I still can't erase that scene in my mind, hinahanap ko kung saan part dun ako nagkamali. I can't find it, because for me that's just normal, my daily way of coping with life, but for other people, what I did could mean different. Alam ko na mali, although it took me awhile to realize.And so for that, kay manong, sorry talaga. Hindi ko talaga sinasadya. Iba ang gusto kong iparating sa kanya that time, pero ewan bakit saliwa sa gusto kong sabihin yung pagkakasabi ko. Hindi ko nga alam na ganun pala pagkakasabi ko eh =(.....With all due respect, sorry talaga. What adds more to the guiltiness I am feeling is when manong said "wala yun hija, asus" in a very nice way. Damn. How could I do that to an angel??? Damn talaga. Errrrrrrr! Kahit sabihin na he forgot na what I did and he had forgiven me na when I said sorry, I still wouldn't be at ease na I apologized lang because the man deserves what I had not given him when I did the eksena. And so I am planning to give him a peace offering...kahit yun man lang...This would cost me one sleepless night I suppose. Church ang katapat nito tommorow. I need to detoxify toxins within my system...
SpankyJewels saw shadows dancing at 6:58 AM
They say there is such a thing as love at first sight. Could there also be love....at first sniff? Just asking, because ours could be the first case.....=)Hey, I have told them about you, of how you make me feel and what you mean to me. Guess what. All of them had given me the same initial reaction. They were all in favor of you, but still all of them can't help it but ask "why?" to which I remember myself answering "how can I not?" with a blushing cheeks and a kinikilig smile! =)You are the only person, (since I got my heart broken) that had made my circulatory and respiratory system work a little faster than usual. You, for reasons I do not know and cannot understand, is the main source of my joy and inspiration right now. I am back to my old self again, happy, and I have you to thank for that. You see, I've never been easy on guys that is why I can't help but wonder as well why I made it easy on you? Why you made it easily on me? =) Hahaha! They say I look snobbish and can be mataray to guys (I have Renz and Christa as witnesses when I made irap to that guy making pacute over the counter!! Eeeerrr! And so if he's a doctor or a nurse or whatever?? He is bastos!) but with you, when you come near me, I....I...I just melted in front of you, you know. =)I can still remember the day we met. Your scent caught me. There was just this sudden pause that I can't understand. Its like a slow motion, it felt as if the world stopped and I took a glimpse of you. Well, I ignored you at first. Sabi nga nila, "he wasn't the typical guy you would fall for or be attracted to...but he's your ideal guy all in all" (You see! They like you. They like you because again, their bibe is happy and its because of you....=>). You are magnetic. Eventhough I tried to ignore you at first, there was this attraction and I can't manage to repel myself from you. You are indeed a magnet, you caught me. Hands down. If I could compare you to a subject, you are physics. And I, I am chemistry.With the way you walk, when you sat down beside me, when you look at me and I can't look back at you, when you first talk to me.....tell me....how can I not? With your strong scent, (oh that Hugo Boss scent) with the way you carry yourself, with the neatness you exude, with your towering height, with your charming smile, with the sound of your voice, with the sound of your laugh, with your cute hair.....tell me please, how can I not? =)A friend told me that you have just the right amount of intelligence I am looking for in a guy. I must say, yah I agree. Haha! Intelligent and smart, a must have for a guy. And you have it =). You are intelligent, no doubt. We go to the same yard, and we shelter ourselves in the same roof, and on the same floor and I am just amazed how you have managed to be a student-dancer-basketball player all at the same time. You are smart. Smart people are interesting people with interesting thoughts in mind. "So, kalaban ba si Snape sa tingin mo o kakampi?" Well, let's see sa book seven...=)Your strong personality is shining on me like sun rays. I am impressed with your friendliness, how you can cope to people easily and mingle to them as if you've known them for million years. Your being masipag and determined, and your being well-driven.....drives me. I value your being sweet, your being thoughtful and your being kind. You are so makulit and I just can't hate you for that =). You occupy my thoughts, all because you are so lovable. You make me happy once again, and you never fail to amaze me. And for all that and more.............can I call you my MOMO BEAR? =)
SpankyJewels saw shadows dancing at 6:43 AM
An article I am entirely dedicating to her. My grattitude, respect, and love, to the best woman God had ever created: my SuperMom.For fourteen years of my existence, I, together with my three other siblings were raised alone by our mom. No, I don't belong to a broken family. My dad died when I was just four years old and so my mom had to be a mom and a dad both at the same time to the four of us. We were young then, we don't understand what my dad's death would implict on our lives especially on my mom. I was sad when he died, but I didn't cry, because I don't know then that daddy was already gone...and never gonna come back.Growing up, I was used to being at my lola's side. I am a lola's girl. My lola was a grade school teacher and I went schooling at the place where she used to teach. That, plus the fact that I am her first apo made me one of her favorite (if not really her favorite) and that made us closer than me and my mom. As for me and mom, being our only provider, she had to work very hard. She was always at work and so we have less time to bond compare to my grandmother. My mom is a very good provider. She can manage to feed us more than three times a day, send us all to a good school and pay all our tuitions, she can buy our "luho" may it be pinabili namin or she just wants us to have those luho, and she had provided well enough that we live in a house that could contain a number of people more than us. She can do all that. Without my dad by her side or any other people to help her out. We never really experienced hardships financially even after daddy died. That's good. The only bad part: I was blind back then. If mommy's paghihirap for us can compare to a peso coin, let's just say that I only saw one side of it. That mom is a good provider. Only a good provider, but not really an outstanding mom. That's too childish of me. Of course that's not true. I didn't see then that every sacrifice and every paghihirap of my mom was because she loves us so much, and that she is outstanding.Before, I really don't get it why mom don't understand me at times. Why she is being overprotective. Why she always scold me more than she does to my siblings. Why she seem to not appreciate my achievements in school. Why we don't talk about daddy or her younger days. Why she is always away. I thought then na kaya niya lang binibigay mga luho namin in excess was because yun lang ang kaya niya talaga ibigay as a mom, money and luxury. As her first child, I was really stubborn. But in fairness, I never have vices even up to now, I don't smoke nor drink and lalong I am not into drugs, all because I don't want to see her dissapointed. I am stubborn in a sense na I always insist what I think was right even if she wasn't in favor of it. Minsan, but not really sinasadya, I answer back to her just so she would see my point, not trying to see her's. Whenever there is something new about me, the first person to know was my lola and my lola would be the one to tell my mom. I was selfish and immature. But not until I grew up. All it takes is maturity. I stepped into my fourth year in high school at an age of fourteen, exactly ten years since daddy died, and that is when I began to see the other side of the coin. All of my mom's hardships. Actually, an incident made me see a clearer picture. I did something "unacceptable". I won't say what it is. It is sacred, only between me and my mom. I thought that of all people, she would be the first to be mad at me, but I was wrong. She understands, because she is my mom. She loves me and no other person could ever love me the way my mom does."Ang galing rin ng mommy mo eh noh? Nung una, ayaw ka niya magdebut, pero nung pinag debut ka, all-out. Ayaw ka niya sumama nung una sa swimming, pero nung pumayag naman, nagbigay pa ng baon for us. Ibang klase...." That is simply my mom. All out when it comes to her children. That is what I have been missing to see all those times that I was being immature. Bakit ba di ko nakita ang mga paghihirap ni mommy noon? Bakit di ko nakita na hindi na iniisip ni mommy sarili niya dahil iniisip niya kame? Bakit di ko nakita na si mommy, mag-isa lang pero sobrang nakakaya at kinakaya niya kameng igapang ng siya lang just so we'll be able to have all the things she didn't have nung bata pa sila nila tito? Bakit di ko nakita noon na pag may nagawa ako o kame na maganda at naappreciate yun ng iba, si mommy ang pinakanatutuwa? Bakit di ko nakita noon na habang nasa trabaho siya, ang nasa isip lang niya eh kailangan niyang maibigay lahat ng kailangan namin? Bakit di ko nakita na pag nalate ako ng uwi, si mommy, hindi natutulog, hindi napapakali sa paghihintay sa akin? Bakit hindi ko nakikita noon na hindi si mommy ang hindi nag-oopen up kundi ako? Bakit di ko nakita noon na pag may sakit kame, si mommy, hindi magkandarapa sa pagpafile ng LOA para maalagaan kame ng hands-on? Bakit si mommy, trinatry ng sobra na maging close sa mga friends ko pati ng mga kapatid ko? Bakit di ko nakita na lahat ng luho, lahat ng karangyaan na prinoprovide ni mommy, lahat yun eh para ipatikim sa amin yung fruit of her labor na para lang talaga sa amin? Bakit hindi ko nakita na mahal na mahal niya kame higit sa lahat? Bakit hindi ko yun nakita noon?The reason why I took the path I'm in right now is because of my mom. I idolize her so much, more than any other person in this world. My dream is to grow old na as strong as her, as righteous as her, and as successful of a woman as her. I plan to return all the favor to she had given, to give her back all the love, the joy, and the values that she gives. I plan to give her what she deserves, only the best in life. That is the first thing I'll do when I graduate....She is a superwoman, a supermom. She is a indeed a pride to the women specie. I could have never done it without her guidance and support and her unconditional love. I must say that at times, we would still have misunderstandings which I think is just normal, but after a while, I understand na rin her point as she understand mine. We are closer now, I tell her everything na. From the people around me, to the latest happenings in me, to the happenings at school to everything, even bad stuffs. Its because I now know that when I laugh, my mom laughs with me. When I cry, she cries double the amount of teardrops I let out my eyes. When I'm sad, so is she. And when I am happy, she is in bliss. She loves us, and we love her....very much.and so for the best mom in the world:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY! I'll always love you and I'll take care of you until you grow old.....You are simply the best mom there is......I love you, we love you..=)
Your parents brought you up, don't bring them down.My mommy brought me up, I'll take higher. =)
SpankyJewels saw shadows dancing at 7:39 AM
We were damaged by the fall. We got the wind knocked out on us. To be standing here at all, we must be invincible. We thought that we would break, but now we have come to see, something strong and beautiful inside of us....We must be invincible.And just what they say, its better late than never. Hehe. Happy birthday to us Mhelai. =)Mhelai and I got to know each other through here, blogspot. It was an unusual start of making friends for me. Mhelai making a comment on a certain post of mine, me making her do a favor for me by putting some pictures on a certain article I wrote. And voila! We became friends. She and I have been through a lot of best and worst things together. It's been only a year but I can say na I totally know na Mhelai inside out and vice versa. We have had talking marathons that could last for two days over the phone. We have had escapades together. We have had "brainstorming" sessions when we were figuring out things. We have had bought two sim cards just so we could satisfy our being text addicts. We have had sang four seasons by boyz II men on a duet over the phone. We have had jokes only the two of us could understand. We have had "codes" only us could decipher. We have had battled together some storms and survived it together. We have had, and will still be. Me and Mhelai, once a friend, always a friend. =)I have said everything that I want to say over a letter to this silly beyotch when we met last April 24 at a "so memorable mall". There is no reason for me to repeat in this blog what I had put on that letter pa. =) Basta Mhelai, I am happy that we met and became friends. I am happy that you know me well for you to not judge me. I am happy that every time that I have a problem and I confide to you, you listen. I am happy that you are there to understand. I am really really happy for everything that happened I so wanna do it again! Hahahaha. We are baliw to the fullest and we will always be hanggang pagtanda siguro! Hahaha. Basta, thank you for everything "Mhels". Mwahugz beyotch =)***************** Renz is invincible too. =) For someone who is as invincible as I "if pain must come, may it come quickly.
because i have a life to live, and i need to live it in the best way possible.
if the person has to make a choice, may the person make it now.
then i'll either wait or forget that person.
WAITING IS PAINFUL, FORGETTING IS PAINFUL.
BUT NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO IS THE WORST KIND OF SUFFERING."
-By the River Piedra, i sat down and wept
Ishi BIBE aka DUCK gave me this, and thanks to her... Thank you SOo MUCH!!! *Hugs*(coming from Renzie's multiply)Renzie, I owe to you some of the latest principles in life I now acquire to myself. I am glad that I could help someone and I can be helped as well. I am glad that we understand each other. =) Thanks for making sense even if there is no moon and it aint blue =) Hehehehehe. Now that's non sense. =)
SpankyJewels saw shadows dancing at 5:59 PM
Nothing.Into nothingness again. This happens frequently to me nowadays. I have plenty of kwentos actually, sa sobrang dami, I cannot think of a way to put all those kwentos into one story.If life can be tasted, its taste would be sweet and sour. Yes. Sugar and spice and everything nice. Powerpuff??!! Okay enough. I am having an internship right now at jrrmmc located beside DOH. Well, what can I say? Its fun working and not thinking about assignments and projects the next day and especially when your with 14 other people whom you are with everyday of your life. Its fun having a deeper relationship with people in a workplace. Its fun to know them inside out, a thing you cannot do in a classroom of 50 students. Its fun."It isn't a mirror, it is a skin. A mirror is fragile, but a skin, kahit wounded, its cells are still battling out......" -Renzie boy. From now on Renz, I'll think of it that way =)Now I can say that Im becoming closer to my other friends other than my day to day friends. Like Renzie and Jeric, they were my baby thesis mates way back our biostatisctics classes and I became close to them then. Until now, I still can remember how we got a perfect ten for that thesis and that I can't stop thanking them because they saved me. But now is different although it still involves "saving". I am seeing a different side of the two I haven't seen before and vice versa. Its nice to know that somehow, someway, someone is there to understand. Nice right? =)This internship will take me 480 hours (2 months) before I finish. I plan to finish this thing earlier that is why I set a time frame for myself. May 11 is my target end date. Hmmm...reason? Nothing. You see?! Im really into nothingness. Haha. La lang. I just wanna have a longer break and if possible, another internship, this time at a manufacturing company. I am currently on second place sa pataasan ng time, I now have 230 hours. Yeesss! Hehehe. Why am I in a rush when actually no one is pressuring me to do so? Hmmm, I just want to have a break, even if that means that I have to work 12 hours everyday even in holidays just so I would finish sa May 11. Hay. I must set goals from now on. I must have and take a clear direction. Speaking of directions, I am really thinking right now on what direction I want to go to. Rumor has it that only graduates 20 or 21 and above are allowed to take the board exams. And that if you are 19 and below, you cannot have your diploma just yet and you are not allowed to march. I've heard about this on Mecca, someone's cousin ata from FEU yun or something. Truth is....yun din kasi ang alam ko. Same thing happened sa Med Tech ata here in UST and I heard it from Maruh. So now what???!!! Ano problema ko??!!! Simple:MAKAKAGRADUATE BA KO??!!!By March 2007, my age will be 19 years old and 2 months. I am really into thinking if they will allow me to take the board, and, if they will allow me to march. Its so unfair if they won't. For three years and until now that I am going into my 4th year na, I've been a regular student. I have surpassed every obstacles they have given me to test me and my ability to survive. I have endured sleepless nights and have skipped a lot of meals just so I would reach this point I am in right now. I've been just like everyone else in my batch, and if they deserve to graduate in 2007, SO AM I. Hay. Napapaisip tuloy ako if I should pursue into fifth year (yes, its optional for our batch, but for incoming froshies, its a requirement.) Actually, I have decided that I will, the thing is, its not yet offered pa raw. Two years from now is the expected date of the faculty for this '5th year' plan that they have so that graduates can take the US or Canada licensure exams and work abroad. If they won't allow me to march and take the board until the right time comes, and if the 5th year course is not yet being offered, WHAT AM I TO DO UNTIL I REACH THE AGE OF 20??!!Nothing.
SpankyJewels saw shadows dancing at 8:50 AM
Questions are filling me in right now. What a way to start my 'pagninilay' this semana santa. I just can't find the right words to say right now, can't figure out the right actions to do...What will you do if you're in my shoes?.....What will you do when you become Jennifer Garner from the movie 30 GOING 13 and be given a chance to correct everything that went wrong?What will you do when everything went wrong and out of hand?What will you do when the situation is not in your hands anymore to correct?What will you do when things went on a different direction?What will you do when you want to make it right again and be just like when it first started?What will you do to when you are in deep pain for so many reasons?What will you do when you become the source of pain for someone and you can't figure the reason?What will you do when you want to save something you have given your all for?What will you do when its not in your hand anymore to save it?What will you do when you are losing it?What will you do when you have lost so many things and you just can't let go of this one because it matters and you love it and you breathe it and you live it and you are that something?What will you do when you cannot understand anymore God's plans?What will you do when you don't understand yourself as well?What will you do when you want to be there but can't?What will you do when you want to be back in time but of course, cannot do so (because again, you're not Jennifer Garner)?What will you do when you love someone but your love doesn't show?What will you do when you want to just show it and let it out?What will you do when you are botherd?What will you do when you are as random as a thinker as me?What will you do when you are not really thinking and you are just pretending that you are?What will you do when you are talking non sense? Damn. What will you do when all you can do is wait? What will you do when all you can do is ask?...
SpankyJewels saw shadows dancing at 4:59 AM
"What good is a heart if you are not gonna use it? What good is a love if you are to scared to choose it? If you're heart is beating...then it is for a reason. If you are not even willing to start...then what good is a heart?"I have secrets I just keep inside me. I think everyone does. Secrets are meant to be just secrets, until you spill your secrets to people you trust, and those people you trust spill their secrets to you too. That is what you call "heart-to-heart" sessions with friends. What is unlikely is, you do it at work. And you do it with people you think won't understand you. Nice. Hehe.Heart-to-heart. Open forum. Opening up to one another. A session wherein you get to know the other person deeper and you get to know things you like to know from that person that you can't ask on a normal day to day encounter. A private talk that brings the people involve closer to one another, at least in our case. Its fun especially when you are doing it not inside the classroom but inside a working area. And what could be more fun to talk about than love?I won't talk about the issues that had been discussed within our circle and who are those who are in that circle because I know how to keep my promise and for me, moments like this one are sacred. What I want to do is to somehow impart the concepts that I have learned from that heart-to-heart bonding session. Things I learned in myself.I had only loved (take note, past tense) twice in my life. Two love stories that are different from one another. Both are real, but the second, that is the only love that I had admitted to myself and to other people. The time I admitted it, nung heart-to-heart lang. Hehe. (EJ, Eduard, Charles, touch ako super lalo na sa inyong tatlo. Thanks ha!)"Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps I am still wrong. He wasn't the man I thought he is. Siguro nothing is permanent, even him. He wasn't the man I thought would be right and ideal for me. But I fell for him. I did. I fell for the man that he perceived to be and not the real man he is made of. He is a sketch, my own sketch. He doesn't exist anymore. I just hope to find the real one that will come along..."Love, actually. Can I just add one thing about love? Sometimes, there are people you don't think are serious on this word but are actually more serious the the one you think to be serious. Really. Now I know. Seryoso pala sila "utol" akalain mo yun?! Ano mga tol? Hehe.This time, I am positive about love again. Dahil I still have a heart and my heart is not his property =) Wahahahaha.. =)Other things, still love, but on a different level. A more unconditional one.People feeling the same way jive easily. That is true. I am so happy to find a lot of people whom I can relate to. People who are as deep as me. Like Harlene. From love to family to afterdeath, to being a wind....name it, we had talked about it; sa grandstand yan ng UST habang umuulan.Soul searching rather than a heart-to-heart talk is what it is. Har was my first friend sa eften if not the first friend in class and we have recalled where it all started. Ang saya because who could have thought na we would be friends together with the other 8 friends we have and that we would last this long di ba? Hay. Life. There are questions which I cannot answer alone, and vice versa sa case ni Har. The nice thing is, we answered it together. The kapit-kamay thingy. We tried to understand everything that happened and everything that is happening in our lives, and come up with a cliche na "everything happens for a reason, may destiny and naniniwala tayo dun.." Yun eh! hehe. Di ba naman Har???? =)So wherever destiny takes us, dun kame. =) *tired from work* *sleep*
SpankyJewels saw shadows dancing at 7:10 AM
Whenever she comes to an impassable obstacle, an apparently final barrier, she goes to work at it, and in due time, surpasses it. If she has limits, I do not see where they are. I do not think she has limits. I think she is a child of the universe who inherits eternity. I think she is wonderful, I am her devoted partisan, I am proud indeed to be one of her. I am so proud to be her.
